My September in a few words
Everybody is entitled to bad days, but what do we do when the bad days seem to last forever?
Longest time guys, I know I promised to be consistent but this September, life has kept fucking me from multiple angles.🥺 *moans in severe agony*
Remember I was supposed to start a new job at the beginning of this month, well I started, and then I lost it💔 *cries in loser*😹
I started under probation, the editor was really nice to me, until I started repeating so many mistakes I was already previously corrected for. I know I frustrated him a lot😭
Subsequently, I started to doubt myself so much, thanks to my wonderful anxiety for always showing up. I felt genuinely lost and I cried a lot.
The thing about thinking you’re smart is when you’re faced with corrections, you start to somehow convince yourself that you might just be dumb.
Recently, I’ve understood that I really don’t know how to live with my failure, I am terrible at handling not being good at something.
Thankfully, I started getting the hang of it and the first time he gave me a compliment, I felt out of this world.
But then you know how nothing good lasts forever, my phone decided to pack up and have screen issues.
I use my phone a lot for this job, this was definitely wrong timing. I didn’t even know how to cry, went to check it out and they were calling 30k😹😹 I didn’t even have 2k in my account, I tried to borrow loans, nothing worked.
Crazy how all these happened in a month where the theme for the month in my church was “Joy Unspeakable.” Lowkey, I think this was all it took to keep me from breaking down.
After I got the news that my access to the job was revoked, I had family issues that required us to raise a huge amount of money in a few hours. I tried to do this with no forthcoming help. Making matters worse, my phone died. I just cried and went to sleep.
Things are still not better, I’ve not eaten well in days. I feel like I’m at the edge but I know this is not the end. Sorry I’m ranting too much 🫠
Before I forget, refer me for content writing jobs🤲 I’m actually really good.😌
I genuinely hope you’re having a way better September? Gist me in the comments ☺️
This post deserves a huge OMO!!!
It’s actually crazy because we never get to share stuff like this in the moment, when they are happening. The human thing would be to wait till the storm is over then activate the Naija “Testimony Time” mentality and share when the storm is over. (Read that in R Kelly’s voice)
Why am I saying all this. Firstly, I’m proud of you. You might be convincing yourself that there isn’t anything worth being proud of but I promise you there are. For talking about this, for holding on even in the midst of this crazy time, for not allowing this temporary defeat box you in and make you contemplate giving up, I am proud of you Matilda.
Secondly, I’ll like to encourage you from my favorite book - The Bible. There’s one funny verse of scripture that never fails to muzz me whenever I consider it. Isaiah 43:2.
It says - “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon you”
My question is, what am I even doing in the Fire and Waters in the first place. I thought I was supposed to be in the arms of the father living a soft life. Well, that’s not how our story goes.
We will go through the waters, we will most definitely go through the fire but we aren’t alone. We have an assurance that Jesus is in our boat and will calm every storm. He might even be sleeping but he’s here. Talk to him. Be honest about how youre feeling and what you’re dealing to him.
Ask him to help you calm this storm and he will show up like he did for his disciples on that boat.
He loves you Tilly and we (your fans) do too.
God bless you my G.
Lastly, I wish I could say to send your aza but your bro is broke too make we see how e go be sha. This week we’re entering into looks promising.
I Dey for you my G.
You go Dey alright las las.
Byeeeeeeee. ❤️
The fact that you came out of this strong, big things are coming Big Tillyy ❤️